Family Ties, Family Snarls

The stories from our families can break or bind us. I think it can be both.
My last uncle passed away recently. It stirred up a lot of family pots for me. This became the opportunity to work through some of the last painful parts of being in that family while finding redemption.
Many times while I was trying to piece together the pick-up 10,000 piece puzzle, people would say that some things just won’t make since. It just is. Still, that was frustrating. I like to have an understanding of the why so I can put it into perspective of how those pieces impacted my life. Maybe it is more about discovering how that stuff that happened was set into motion many years before me.
Thus, here are the family snarls. It is those tangled knotted up lies that take on an air of truth when repeated often enough. Trying to defend or to bring the truth up can be met with incredulous looks. “I know who you are and what you all about.”
“How do you know? It’s a lie.”
“I just know…”
How can a person even begin to address those snarled up threads and have the truth about something really be presented and accepted? I have found it can be challenging when people close their ears and put their hand out to block any words that go against what they have believed for years. When my uncle passed, I feel that the perpetual lies have come to an end.
My cousin has been instrumental in helping to fill in some of the blanks from stories heard growing up. The stories were funny, crazy, tragic, sad. Interesting how those “secrets taken to the grave” don’t necessarily stay buried. Some of the events and perceptions that were puzzling made more sense. This offered me the great gift of healing those deeper wounds, clearing the way for moving forward less encumbered. In a weird sort of way, this also humanized my mother, grandmother and aunt. Moving into compassion and understanding of how difficult their lives were that was based on their perceptions and needing to survive the best that they could shift me into greater compassion.
Wounded people hurt other people. Gratefully today, there are many opportunities for healing and letting go if that is the route we are brave enough to take. Letting go of that baggage can create a freer and lighter life.