Hiding under a basket

For years, I believed if someone knew who I was on the inside, they would run away screaming; that deep shame and flaws. Maybe it was about the disappointment of what I showed on the outside would be seen as a fraud on the inside. The damage has been quite deep and I see me as fragile even though I show a tougher exterior.

A week ago, my friend and I joined our church’s annual conference for a mission trip. My first one. When asked what we preferred to do, we both chose working with plants (choice is age-related). Much to our surprise, pretty much what people signed up for wasn’t on the project sheet. I ended up choosing replacing a 3-sided fence with four teens for my team. What the others did not know was I have construction experience. THe picture to the left was after we removed the original fence.

As a kid, our family built a new house and I learned about doing cement up to shingling and all the stuff in between. I had some confidence in working with this fence project. With figuring out how to address the obstacles (rock and rebar), assessments and an avid group, we were able to finish it. I also asked for more assistance from another church group and it ended up being fun. However, I learned the mountain is not level and the rock did not move much. So we worked with it. Below right is the almost finished project.

There are a couple of reasons I hide my accumulated talents. One, there can be over expectations of my abilities. Second, the expectation if I know how to do something, it must mean I really find my passion in it and want to keep doing it. Knowing/learning how to do something does not equal enjoyable and we want to continue to do it. Oftentimes, those skills are handy to have.

People were surprised how well the fence turned out. And Sunday at church, I was asked to go on the next one. Sigh…

Anyway, also on Sunday during the sermon, a person was sharing their camping experience and talked about a similar perspective. This person talked about this area in life and how the camp counselor offered another point of view. What if what we were hiding was really about allowing others to see our gifts?

Growing up, I was “trained” not to show off or take credit for what I accomplished and can do. There was the fear of reprisal. So I learned to continue to fly way under the radar, dismissing and hiding what I know and what I learned. I kept my light hidden under a basket; actually more like in a dark cave.

What I needed to come to terms with is by NOT letting my light shine let’s others continue to control me by not living a more authentic life. Not in a braggy way; in a genuine way. Hiding can keep away other thing, people, freedom and abundance that can enhance my life and living.

My fear was being shamed again for being being smart, having talents and abilities as history has repeated for years. Those people who were quick to point out about those as short-comings are now out of my life. The supportive and loving people around me now help raise me up and affirm my existence and celebrate my accomplishments. If you are struggling with this, I hope you find people who can celebrate you and let your light shine. We all have talents and abilities. Yeah!!

The second part: when someone asks me to do something that even if I know how to do it, I can say yes or no thank you. It is still my choice. It will take some getting used to letting my light shine a bit brighter. Imagine how much more confident and open to receiving gifts we will have in our lives.

Even I was impressed about how well this fence turned out. Special thanks for working together to make it happen.