“I worked so hard for this company and they let me go.” “I have been in this relationship for 38 years, helping to provide the opportunities for him/her to succeed and he/she left me for someone else.” “It’s just not fair.” “I was dropped in this family that caused much pain and someone else had it better than me. It’s just not fair!” “How come that person got to have a really nice house? Nicer car? Go on a fabulous vacation.” How can this be fair? I would watch about how the other family members were treated and saw how unfair it was.
Looking at the fairness issue is tricky. At face value, we can see how things are from our view and feelings. What we are missing is the other person’s view and experience getting there. I used to think that way, seeing my wishful thinking that someone else’s life was certainly better than mine. Of course, there are things that happen that really aren’t fair.
As time unfolded, I began to rethink this fairness thing, even though there are still times I think it isn’t fair. When I learned the back stories, or learned how they got there, I put things into more perspective. Would I truly want to trade places with them.
Years ago, a co-worker had commented about trading places with me. I said sure, for the 24 hours. She saw things initially as how I was able to come and go at my job, the flexibility. When I added that it included taking care of my son and about the single mother of a six year old as well as doing the rest of the things that I do after work. After mulling it over, for like less than a minute, she said no thanks!
People can cherry pick what they want to see about a person or their situations then comparing the two based on our own experiences. It can seem on the surface as unfair. When we can humanize the people and look a bit deeper, maybe there is something to those unanswered prayers. What if we cannot cherry pick the highlights of what we wish for? What if all the parts that come along with the outcomes are for the lessons to be learned so we can get to the next step? Maybe we will find out that the cross they bear is too much for us.
Another segment is to see what we desire and figure out how to get there. Not necessarily to pine away with wishful thinking. To attain most likely requires work on our part. Maybe what we think we want that others have isn’t really what will fit for us. I thought I’d want a much bigger house. I love my small, cozy house after thinking about it and figuring out that the larger home is a lot more to clean, the utilities are likely much higher, more maintenance. In turn, having a much larger house would add more stress. I let it go and appreciate what I have now.
I can see how hanging on to the “it’s not fair” card is a stuck place of not being able to create other scenarios and options. Maybe people just do not want to do the work to get there. There is no freedom in being in the “it’s not fair” place. We can stay stuck while the rest of the world keeps going. How to start to move out of that space?
One can start by taking charge of what you can do. Yes, it would be nice if we can be gifted or we can inherit. In the meantime, by taking a few steps forward, moving out of a victim space, can offer us freedom to create and co-create what’s next. When I decided to be in charge of me and what I wanted, I can and do attain. Funny thing is, when we put the work and equity into getting to the place we are, others might see that is unfair. However, we now have the knowledge and the awareness of the work that went into arriving. When others attain, can we celebrate with them? Find out the work and desire, intention they put into having it unfold?
Applause to you for figuring out how to move forward so you can have your preferences. Knowing that makes it sweeter and develops our resolve and purpose and appreciation for what we do have. Hopefully, we can share our journey and our inner creativity with others to encourage them to find their own direction to have and manifestation.
For the things and situations that truly aren’t fair, we still can decide to take a different view. It can be a sign that maybe we need to move in a different direction. Look inside and ask someone else that will help you gain perspective about the situation. Then develop a plan to address where you can be empowered. Breakfast with a friend can be the best support. Use the opportunity freely.
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