Exorcise 2

On the heels of the solar eclipse, it is time to let go of the things that hold us back. You know those old shackles, balls and chains that hold us fast to the past. Sometimes it can feel daunting to let them go. They are the familiar and we know how to cope with them.

After chatting with a friend and comparing notes how we think nothing is moving, nothing is happening. We are in this holding pattern. Any effort to move forward is met with resistance. Maybe what the resistance is about is for us to look backward and take care of the mundane. Clearing out the corners of our house, the clutter and the piles. Processing the stuff and deciding if it fits and has a use for where we are at now. We can

find comfort in our stuff.

 

 

Maybe we start by letting go of the easy stuff. Using our energy to move out what we can. There is a connection between holding onto our stuff and holding onto the emotions. It is difficult to unclench our fingers. Does letting it go mean we are losing control?

There is a difference between having control and being in charge. Being in control to me is determined by our outside world. I have seen people try to control the people and actions outside of themselves so they can feel safe. It doesn’t work that way. Sooner or later, it will fail and fear and anxiety creep in and we can lose “control,” becoming frantic. In my view, it is a victim-victimizer situation.

When we learn to be in charge of us, we can make those decisions that are based on what we want, need, ability to say yes or no. What is important to us is based on us, our wants and needs, not on whether people will like us or not.  We can move out of that crazy whirling circle. It takes practice and it is no popularity contest when we begin to assert ourselves. Doing more and more for people does not equate them loving us back.

There was a time when I had a lot of friends, women who “needed” me. Lots of drama and I was the one they called at 3 am. When I was in a family crisis, they left. Some thought it was terrible. I felt such relief! I got my life back. Sometimes it takes a predicament to sort out the relationships of who is steadfast and who blew away. They either did not come back or they tried and I moved on.

One of the ways you can take back your life to access whether they add to your life or take a lot of energy to maintain. Consider taking a sabbatical. Just a break. What is nice about a sabbatical, it isn’t a divorce and final. You can take time to figure out how they fit into your life. Is it mutual or more one-sided? Are you relegated to a role that keeps you from being free? Sometimes relationships become a habit. Shake something up for yourself.

I was blessed to have a lifelong friend that ended. I felt sad about it fading away. We grew in different directions. It wasn’t as satisfying in a mutual way. We are not the same person we were when we started the friendships. Same as for marriage. Who we were when we said “I do,” isn’t who we are now. I understand there is that sense of loyalty.  Maybe those loyal changes to something else when we get to that intersection where we go different ways.

Bless them.