In another book, Catalyst for Grace by Patricia Ferrera, has a lot to say about the process of living in Grace. In one section, she talks about forgiveness, too. She suggested that (in my words)to imagine me sitting in one chair, God sitting across from me, another me to the right and the person I am working to forgive to the left.
What I liked about this concept is that I am able to say how hurt and betrayed I felt to that person. The important step is that I felt heard, that saying something gave credence to what happened to me. It gives the sense that the other person will have heard me at some level. The missing piece was when I tried to forgive and reconciling what happened to me, was not part of that equation; my feelings, thoughts, fears, betrayals, loss of dignity. I believe that the missing piece of forgiving is being heard how we felt. Funny how when I did that, I actually felt heard then could release the hold I had on that person. Doing it this way when the person is unavailable (or dead), is a good substitute. Or if that person you would like to confront won’t work out and might interfere with the ultimate goal of releasing that person.
Another part in The Shack is the discussion is about relationships. If we are hurt and betrayed by someone, we don’t have to have a relationship with them, then that can still stand. Even when a person we know betrays and damages us, we still can end the relationship. It is freeing to know, even when that person is a long-term friend or family members.
I believed that unless I held onto them, I would be doomed to re-experience the same thing again and again of someone else doing painful things to me. Holding onto that old stuff is like attaching them to me, schlepping them from day to day, month to month, year to year, life to life. So look at how many are attached to us. How they slow us down, keep up from moving forward. We spend a lot of time keeping track, I wonder how much time we spend on that when we can be living life forward.
I will continue to let go of hurtful and painful experiences from people because my freedom depends on it
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