The book talked about redemption. I looked up about redemption and its meaning, along with some synonyms. With redemption is restitution, atonement, recompense, making good, penance, renewal. So forgiveness does not mean a “free pass.” It is an opportunity for repentance meaning an opportunity to in a way make it right-er. I know we all have lessons to learn. Some events are more painful and expensive than others.
Later in the book, God talked about how not forgiving is like holding the other person by the throat. As long as I am hanging onto that person, I am putting me as playing God. Deciding how I think the punishment of that person should be, exacting the level of pain I was feeling. I wanted those persons to hurt as much I did, maybe even more.
Early in life, I would think about ways to exact the level of hurt and betrayal I would want the other person to feel. Then I remember in the Bible it said that revenge is the Lord’s. So I let it go. As I exercised patience, something would happen to the other person I could not have fathomed. Now, I see it isn’t revenge; it is more about accountability. What were you feeling, thinking, doing? How come? People are usually blinded by their own pain that they hurt others from that pain. Like being in a blind rage. They are disconnected from their own feelings so matter how methodical or dissociated they are, they can continue on that path of intense inflicted pain. Does it make it right? Absolutely not. Still, to me, I’ve learned that it ultimately is between God and that person.
I thought about a person who hurt me growing up. As an adult, I decided it was time to be brave and forgive. Before, I ran the scenario through my mind of how it would play out. I would get that heartfelt apology, we’d cry a little bit and it would be good. I sat down and said I wanted to say something. I proceeded offering and was met with a what? You still hanging onto that?! What was in my mind did not match the outcome I expected. I felt appalled at the response and then beat myself up for believing that anything I say would have made any difference. Because of the expectations, I felt worse. So generally, I don’t expect apologies even though I can hope for one. I have been leaning more toward dealing with apologies from my side even if I choose not to ask for one directly.
With the concept of redemption and letting go, or rather handing the person “over” to God would mean I would step away from playing the God role to let the other person have their own accountability day.
Years ago, I had talked with my then minister about my mother and how with her passing, she would be able to skate through without being accountable for her actions. All those years of abuse and she just gets to walk away, washing her hands of it all? The pastor said, God is not only a fair God, He also is a just God.
Through the years, I have figured out there isn’t a “judgment day” kind of meeting. It is being accountable for your actions and how you lived your life. Yet, how about that letting go thing? When I envision all the people who have hurt me and those that violated me, that is a lot of people I am keeping tracked of. Lots of baggage being carted from day to day, place to placed, year to year, life to life.
Looking at it through the redemption process has helped me view forgiveness differently. We do not get off the hook. We are accountable for our decisions.
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