Forgiveness. That concept has been difficult for me to embrace and even practice often. Growing up and from church teachings, when someone “trespassed” on you, you are to forgive their trespasses”. Throughout the sermons and Bible passages, if we or the person who hurt us, if we ask God for forgiveness, all is forgiven, erased. Poof. Just like that, the sins we carry are erased, almost like it never happened. I believed that if I forgave, it would mean the slate would be erased and that person can just do it over again and again with each “I’m sorry.” So I stopped accepting those I’m sorrys. If I did that, maybe it would stop. It didn’t.
How often have we heard from other (well-meaning) people that we should just forgive and forget? How do we do that when the abuse is so painful and life altering, something we live with everyday?
I have been reading and understanding and looking for ways to forgive that is meaningful. It is easy for someone who hasn’t been in tragic situations with ongoing pain and betrayals to say just forgive and get over it. I have struggled with the concept that asking forgiveness automatically means that the deeds are gone and erased, especially when I am feeling that I am still serving that “life sentence.” No matter how much healing and praying I do, letting go, repurposing my life, I still have the scars and reminders are ever present. Not that those are on high alert every day. Still, they are there. Triggers happen and the abusive past comes for a visit. Letting go doesn’t mean it will always stay gone.
Last month, my friend and I went to see “The Shack” which was based on the book. I recalled hearing about the book. The movie talked about forgiveness. My interest was piqued so I ordered the book from the library. After reading the book, particularly the last half, it offered another segment of forgiveness that made more sense to me.
In the book, the main character carried around bitterness, anger and resentment. It closed around his heart, stemming the flow of love for the rest of his family, clouding his view of the world. Seeing this visual was interesting as being in this state becomes so normal that you don’t realize it isn’t like that.
When he gets a note to visit the place where tragedy was, it stirs up a lot of that pain, moving him out of numbness into feeling again. There he meets God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and the opportunity to see forgiveness in another light.
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