Foundations

Before I was born, the building blocks of my life were being constructed. Block by block, what my mother was laying down became the basis of how I was defined. Whether it was true or not. Maybe our parents have expectations. Maybe they have their own hopes and dreams. Maybe the baser starts out hopeful. Maybe it doesn’t. Anyway, these building blocks can end up supporting whatever else is built upon it from others such as relatives and school.

In my situation, it seemed like I was dropped into the wrong house by the stork. So it looked like my blocks had printed on them not wanted, worthless, irrelevant, disgusting, defective, hated and other mean things. Once this foundation was set, whatever words I heard were filtered through the foundation of negativity. So as I grew, anything ran through those hurtful words. Of course I believed it. It was the foundation.

As I left the house to venture out in the world, I packed up that foundation and carried it into my future life. This continued issues with work and friends. No matter the kindness, it filtered through as suspicious and untrusting. Why ever would anyone say anything nice about me?

When I was talking with my husband about this challenge, he asked me, “what if it was all a bunch of lies?” That foundation was lies and what if those kinds of things were the truth? I was struck by that. What if it was all lies? What if it was their own views of themselves that they transferred to me, so they could feel better about themselves? Sometimes, people just need to blame someone else for how their lives turned out. Children can become that target.

With processing that new concept, I have been listening more with my heart instead of my head and those faulty filters. I get to begin to build another foundation made with love and the mortar of compassion.