Crosses to bear

We have heard that we all have our cross to bear. The cross symbolizes our lessons to learn this lifetime. I believe that when we learn a lesson and let go of the pain, hurt and resentment, pieces of that cross break off, so it becomes lighter.

How often, because we are kind and understand how carrying that pain around is difficult, without realizing it, we take on and carry their cross, adding to our own. It usually isn’t just this cross and the other one; we offer to take one the next person and the next person’s and the next person. Because we are carrying them, we don’t always pay attention to how bogged down we are. As I see it, when we carry someone elses crosses, we are taking on their responsibility for learning their own lessons.

I also believed that if I hung onto that cross, I could be the martyr by holding onto those hurts and betrayals. Wear that proudly. Only it really doesn’t look that good on me to live those out. It was a way for me to be stuck in a prison.

Recently I learned that two of the crosses I was carrying weren’t mine. I get into the fix it mode for people, trying to “save” them by trying to “help” them out. It was a way for me to find value for me. If I had value, I would feel important. However, the message I received is that I have served my purpose there and for me to stay any longer would end up for me to continue carrying their “cross.” Keeping them from learning what they are here to learn.

It changed my view and freed me from the old baggage of personalizing that pain, that feeling of rejection. Instead of looking at it as something defective in me, I can see that the Universe has set me free. Freedom came with handing that cross back.

When you become aware of those stacked crosses, then you can figure a way to release it. You can just figuratively hand it back. Another way that might help in handing back someone elses’ cross, is to take a beaded necklace, rosary or mala beads, or a write on a piece of paper to release one piece at a time. A hurt, resentment, a disappointment, a violation. Chipping away at that cross until it is gone and you will feel lighter. Along with letting go, it is important that we release our own points of forgiving us, for letting go of our part in holding onto that which is not ours.

It is difficult to try to be responsible for my own life while trying to control the other person’s life. It is a wonderful gift to be free from running two or more lives and turn that focus right back to the one person you have the most effect for change: YOU. ME.