Dependable

In the early years, I purchased a washer and dryer while living in a duplex. Did the research, looked at the payment schedule. I got a Norge from Montgomery Wards and appreciated the convenience of heading out to do loads of clothes. Financially, it was at times a struggle as I was making bout $4 an hour. Those machines went with me as I moved when possible. When I moved into a townhouse, they were moved right in the basement. With a baby, having my dependable Norge set made a huge convenient difference for me.

After I bought my house, I wanted those dependable appliances with me. Even though there was a washer and dryer already here, I knew I wanted the ones I brought along with me. The movers left them in the garage until I could get them into the basement. I measured both of them and was so disappointed when they would not fit down my basement steps. Old houses have narrower doorways. I placed an ad in the local paper to sell them. It was challenging to let them go.

I could not figure out why I struggled to let them go to another home. There was that sense of great loss. Writing about it gave me clarity. I wrote to Norge and Norge answered back. What I discovered was in my life at the time, my washer and dryer were the most dependable things in my life. I could not depend on anyone else, during my growing up years, family or friends, to be here for me. Just did not trust. When I learned what the issue was, I was able to let them go to a new home.

It can be easy to slip back into not trusting anyone at all. Yet today, I feel I have the best group of friends, a tribe of sorts, who get me, love me and are here for me. When I slide into the past of not trusting anyone at all, I have to remember that in the here and now, I do have some I do trust and that will be here for me today.

Last year, a tea kettle I had for over 30 years was retired (recycled). Dependable, making the hot water day in and day out for my tea. That dependable necessity brought back the feelings of Norge. My husband after he announced it was time to go, he asked me if it was okay. I allowed the feelings loss and grief for that dependable tea kettle. My husband promised me he would find a comparable replacement, copper bottom and stainless steel with a whistle. He did. It is a nice substitute. My husband is dependable. Just like Norge.

Over the course of recovering, do we recall anyone who has been dependable for us? I have depended on myself. Most of the time, rarely asked anyone for help. I needed to learn about interdependence. To go from very independent to letting go of control to allowing someone to help and be there is a wonderful gift. It is especially sweeter when it happens in love. Give yourself that gift. It is worth it.