In the craziness of growing up, we focus on just getting by, trying to stay alive and find purpose in continuing to make it through. When we do that, we often aren’t able to see outside the narrow path we are traveling on to see the beautiful, gifts and kindness. When I was struggling, I was also very suspicious of any kindness, figuring it will cost me dearly. When given someone, a favor or assistance, I would be looking for the hidden pain that will charged, that exacting fee. When a “gift” would be offered, I would be so surprised and shocked. Those occasional intercessions would create exhilaration that I could not believe it. Mostly, I saw the darkness, searching for the light of hope, of freedom.
As I made it through high school, I was so fearful of everything; especially if someone offered anything. As I grew into healing, I saw snippets of some cool stuff, cool people. Mostly, I couldn’t believe anyone would want to be friends with me. So when I began to open up a bit to strike up some relationships, it was cool. My friendships evolved as I grew and healed. Along the way, I began to notice, or maybe I became more open, to see and experience some cool things.
When I look back, there were some wonderful things that happened to help give me a spare moment of peace and hope in the craziness. A couple of my teachers, Mr. Findell and Miss Moe, became small lights for me. Those small kindnesses helped as I zigzagged to graduation. Looking back becomes clearer that even when I saw it as another set-back; it actually got me to the next steps toward freedom. Each stormy cloud has a glimmer of sunshine.
As my life evolves, I am seeing and appreciating the cool things and people who have come into my life. I can embrace the blessings with gratitude. The opportunity to travel and see a larger world. The people I have I met that helped me move along to where I am now. As my heart becomes more open, the more kindnesses I can see and feel.
Last weekend, I received a QuickTime video from a classmate. He worked for a person I also knew from 40 years ago. I saw Pete last September at a mini reunion and we talked about our mutual friend. The clip was a Happy New Year greeting to me. Roger remembered me! How cool is that? We just do not know how the acquaintances we have made will show up later in our lives, those intersections, these opportunities, the gifts. Take some time to search out those cool things that have happened. It will soften the harsh edges of our lives.
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