Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell…

Remember when that phrase was used for the military? I was thinking about this for work a few weeks ago. I have been quick to offer advice or observations during many discussions. What I finally realized was that it often not well received or the situation became awkward. When I looked to the person for a response to my “bit of wisdom” I was sharing, it was like they were hearing the Charlie Brown “adult mumbling” – whah whah whah…

I also noticed that it was kinda that way around some of my friends and co-workers. I began to wonder if I was doing that as a way to be relevant, to be appreciated, valued and valid in response to being disregarded growing up. Maybe even show them how knowing I am. Or did they see me as a know-it-all? Maybe my delivery does not sound open and welcoming.

So then I tried just nodding to their comments and statements. Said, “ummm” and “ok” instead. Even if I know something, does it mean I have to say something? Thus, if they did not ask, would I want to tell?

Years ago, I read a story about a young boy who asked his dad where he came from. His dad told him about the birds and the bees. After dad finished, his son said, “Jerry came from Toledo; where did I come from?” This was a very important concept for me to ask a question or two for clarification before going ahead answering what I think that person wanted. Sometimes it goes off-topic, sometimes we end up giving way too much information.

It can be a sticky decision. Do I say or not say? What is my intent and purpose? Is it a habit to always have a comment or even having the last word/comment? Of course, I may know about some things that others do not. If that person is the boss, it is not my company. They get to make whatever decisions they want. They sign my paycheck. I do draw the line if it is illegal or shady.