My friend of 40 years passed away last week. When she heard from the doctor about how long she had left, she called me. Me! I think we don’t always know how important someone has been in our life until they are gone, either dying or moving far away or having a falling out. What a gift she gave me by calling me. We talked quite awhile where we expressed our gratitude for each other, our appreciation, stories.
Looking back, I was struggling a lot when I started a new job. Kay was working there. She in a lot of ways took me in with nurturing and kindness. We understood the people we worked with and the people she knew, her family, inviting me in, inviting me over while I was wrapped up in pain and finding footing, she offered a place where I could feel like I belonged, as best as I was able at that time. A hand held out for me. A few years back, we reconnected more then would meet monthly for dinner and to play cards. Along that early time, my friend, Jean, and I talked on the phone. It was the first time that I had exchanged I love you and connected at that level. Shortly afterwards, she passed away. As sad as I was about the immense loss, I also was grateful that we had said how important we were to each other.
There is no guarantee how long we have, especially when we are in relationship with people. Some we draw closer to, others are passing through our lives. When we can take the time to contemplate the role people play in our own lives as well as what we play in others, conveying that becomes more important. How often have we wished we had said something before they passed on, those words still in our hearts or in our minds. We wish we would have said… Has there been times when the thought crosses you mind to call that person, then say oh, there is time. Then find out later on that they are gone? That happened earlier this year. I thought about Kathy a lot, that I should call, but didn’t. Too late. She passed away in February.
I am more aware about how important it is to say to those who are important to us I love you when it fits, why they are important and how they change my life, how important they are to me. Before, I would just sail through life, eyes focused directly ahead, not paying much attention to who was out there with an outstretched hand, a gift, a kind word of encouragement. So caught up in the pain and the hyper vigilance, thinking most everyone was out to take advantage of me. It was easy to miss those sweet, sweet kind moments that can ease the lonely and bumpy stretch of road. Kay was surrounded by her husband and children. I am sure she just knew how much she was and still is loved.
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