Feed me!! Feed me?

How often are you too pooped to do anything? How often are you supporting someone else? Do you see a connection between feeding someone else your energy versus feeding yourself? It can seem so effortless to do for others. We are disconnected from tuning into our bodies when we finally hit bottom and just cannot muster up enough oomph to do other things on our lengthy to-do list. Or we end up getting sick to take “forced” time for ourselves. Being in or from abusive situations, we can dissociate away our feelings, our own wants and needs, putting others before us. Being in the state of survival, we often defer our wants and needs to the abuser and the abusive situation so we learn that we are NOT important.

I see this as an internal gas gauge.  After driving my car for a long while, eventually that “feed me” sign comes on…and stays on until I stop to fill up my tank again. So it goes for my internal needs. If I continue driving my car with the feed me light on, I will run out of gas and be stranded on the highway until AAA or Highway Helper comes along to put a gallon in to get to the gas station. Ignoring that inner light can also have some consequences. We learn about getting help from others from running out of “gas.”

The “feed me!” can be someone like from the Little Shop of Horrors, that person-eating flower or it can be us asking “feed me?” Some people and even some tasks can feel like it drains our tank dry, even the energy we can have in reserve. By using the concept of a gas gauge, we can regain being in charge of how much energy we have for others and how much we need for ourselves. Are you with people who feed you or with some who drain your energy? For instance, what if today you have things to do today that are important to get done. How full is your gas/energy gauge show? Do you have enough energy to do that? If you give someone your energy, will you  have enough to do what you wanted to accomplish today?

By using the gas gauge concept as an energy gauge, we can decide how much to give/share and how much we will need in reserve for us. Sometimes we can offer a half tank for others while keeping the other half for ourselves. Maybe it will be a half gallon as we need the rest to get to our destination. The important aspect to embrace is WE GET TO CHOOSE HOW MUCH to give and how much to keep.

It is interesting how when it comes to money, we actually know how much we have to give and how much to keep. If we don’t have money to give, we just do not have it. We can look at our bank accounts to know that. We can look at the money and if we give funds to someone and it will leave us short to pay the rent or the mortgage, we will probably not lend it. We could end up scrambling to pull the money together to keep a roof over our heads and the heat and power on. Something as intangible as emotional energy doesn’t seem so finite and figuring this out is a challenge.

It takes practice to pay attention to our feelings, of how much energy we have to take care of ourselves and taking care of others. Watch your gauge and decide. Be in charge of this. It is NOT a selfish thing to do. Even on the airplane, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on first. When you can take charge of the energy, sharing or keeping, you can be a better friend and a better support person.