Stepping Out…

Wistful regrets, bigger resentments

How often have you wanted to do something, something that may seem a little wild, a bigger adventure, changing careers to embrace passion? Have you carried around a postponed dream? A secret wish? What has held you back? Was it fear, the what-ifs? Is it someone else who took a sledge hammer to your dream calling it stupid, selfish, realistic? What if you fail? Where are you getting the money for that? Foolishness to spend that kind of money. You should be responsible. Maybe when you retire. Maybe in a few years. You will be shirking your responsibilities to the others.

Do we have regrets when we shoulda, woulda, coulda? Several months ago, I talked with a man about his regret. After graduating from college, he wanted to take a year off and be a ski bum. The push-back about having to be responsible, get a real job, stopped him from going for it. Now, he is using a cane to get around so that year of skiing is likely just a dream.

My son had always wanted to see the world. He saved money and took three months to backpack around Europe. About 30 countries in 90 days, sort of a taste test. (It would have likely been longer but the European rule is you can be in the European Union area for three months within a six month period.) When I share with some people about his big adventure (going by himself),some were excited about him doing this, his courage to go forth. I get some snarky remarks about how he got the money to do this; those “it must be nice” retorts. For the latter, I wonder if that is a reaction for their own postponed or unrealized dreams.

When my son was formulating this adventure, I told him a story about a family member who wanted to go back to college. That person experienced pushback for wanting to do this. When we talked, I said if you did not do this, not only will you regret it, you will resent your family. So go do it. I urged my son to do this. In a lot of ways, the younger generation has a lot more courage to go out into the world to find out where they fit in. Instead of living in the same old place doing the same old things, getting out of their comfort zones seems to give them more options and opportunities.

Over ten years ago, I had the opportunity to travel overseas with my mother-in-law. I was so terrified to fly over the ocean. The shift happened when I decided the opportunity to see and experience something I had wished for became greater than my fear. I decided if I can fly over the Atlantic, I can do anything. We have to travel through our fears to get there whether to foreign lands or new and uncertain opportunities. Now I LOVE it over there. I would not know that if I had just parked in my chair, arms crossed.

When we are seemingly held back by other people’s opinions, how deep and wide are those resentments? How big do they grow because we are afraid of their judgments, the backlash and their own projected fears? Could it be that when we take those leaps of faith, they are resentful that we did and they are not able to cross over to realizing their own dreams?

For the new year, resolve to embrace something you have wanted to do and do it. Even if baby steps. Let this new year be one of less resentments, more excitement and adventure. I know it is time for me to step out.