Another Thanksgiving has gone by and if you were sitting at table with friends and family, the question arises: Share what you are grateful for this year. It is the usual friends, family, job, spouse/partner, and other usual things.
This year, I posed the questions of what was the highlight of your year. that may be more fun and allows more interesting conversations.
The week before Thanksgiving this year, I was pondering about how we can be grateful for the times when an event seems to be so difficult, those dark times we faced. What can we be grateful for in these challenges happen. We do not always know why those obstacles come up. What about a job loss, a relationship break-up, a dear friend who has moved on, facing a health challenge or whatever you want to add to your list. Maybe some things that happen won’t have a silver lining. Regardless, any form of loss requires a grieving period, some shorter, some longer. I think it can depend on the length of investment and how close the connection.
My experience with job loss has been mixed. After its closure, I can look back to see that position has run its course and it is propelling me to move on to some place else that can be more fulfilling or even offer another avenue to work on my consulting business, my passion. When there are delays to something, I would (and still do) get frustrated. Though looking back, it usually is for the better. In my mind, when something is not happening in my defined time line, I try to see it as the components have not been lined up, the road made straighter. Universe can see the bigger picture; I do not. I do not always understand the whys. Yet, when it comes to fruition, it is often better than I can imagine. If it does not work out, it means to me that something better is coming.
A person at work had a job shift. It was difficult and I would walk by and mentioned that this can work out better than you can imagine. He says he is happier and has much less aggravation and stress. Some things are personal, most are not. I remind myself about that even though I can slide into that “why me!” stance. What is so wrong with me that this stuff is happening. When can I get a hand up, an opportunity, a gift, a breather. Maybe when I am feeling so stuck, what needs to change is my mind about it. Maybe it is not an external thing, it is more about what is going on inside of me.
In the tenth chapter of my book, “Ten Workplace Strategies for adult survivors of child sexual abuse” (lulu.com), I discuss choices. When we check the facts and make decisions that are based on the highest good for me and even my family, I will feel that I am in charge of my direction, at least to some degree. Other times, these events can be used to push me out of my comfort zone, to do something that is better for me instead of settling. That settling can give false security.
The new year coming up right around the corner is noted as being a Quantum New Year, to take that Leap. 2016 is a Leap Year, so let us take it. When some time has passed, look at those “disappointments” to see if you can find something good out of it. Looking in the rear view mirror can offer us ways to chart a different path. When I was divorced, it was an incredibly difficult time. As time passed and healing, I was able to be grateful because X showed me what I did not want in a relationship, and it helped shape what I DO want and need. These challenging times can offer us clarity in what we do not want and
help us to hone what we do want and prefer.
Finding the “good” in what happens gives it just that much more meaning and worthiness for the lessons we encounter. That is empowering.
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