Worry and Control

Does it interfere with your sleep? Do you rub your worry stone so much it turns to sand? Do you get short-tempered, kinda snap? Road rage? So stressed you drink, eat, cry, scream, shut down? The connection that I see is that control. When I am so worried about something, it can be traced it back to trying to control factors that are generally out of my control. Worrying about outcomes, the suppositions, what-ifs, how can I affect the outcome I want? How can I juggle it all without dropping any of the items on my list? When or when can I get a good night’s sleep so I can do what I can about what is going on?!?!

Control. The stress level ramps up when we cannot get organized, when there are too many things coming at us that demand immediate attention, competing things on the list, other people’s pressure. That list that grows and keeps us in a tizzy.

I have seen people who seem to have a lot of stuff going on that they cannot control take it out on someone who has less power such as yelling at cars on the freeway and cutting them off, flipping the bird, yelling at the television, taking it out on a subordinate worker, a child, a spouse/partner, a pet, innocent wild animals, as a way to think they are in control of something, someone when they think they cannot control their situations. To me, it is a form of torture to the other person from a person who can exhibit a tortured soul, emotions and situations. Venting becomes a form of therapy, dumping on a person. Just makes the receiver fearful of the spewer. Might makes freight! They just lose it, flying off into a rage and spewing. Someone always gets hurt when this happens whether it is another being or if that rage is turned back onto you.

When stress and the sense of lack of control arise, that frustration can turn to intimidation of other people painted with shame and guilt. That reminds me of the only science law I remember from eighth grade: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For as much as someone tries to control their outer world, it is in direct proportion to how out of control they are in their inner world.

Paying attention to when the hijacked brain goes off, look at how lengthy the to-do list is, the expectations from self and others, the timeframe to get them accomplished and the push and pull from others who want/need something from you when you are out of love to give. Feeling that our life is no longer our own is enough to scream, shut down, self-medicate, strike out, melt down. To me, the greater the control exerted outwardly, the greater the inner self is out of control, adding to an already stressful place.

We cannot control what other people do, how they behave and what they say. Their behaviors and actions are not a reflection of us. It is a reflection of them. We can be in charge of our own self. When you can figure out what you CAN do versus what you are unable to do at this moment is empowering. Putting them in order of importance and resources is also helpful. Try to remove yourself from the chaos. Take that first step. It may not be perfect, yet it is a good place to start.