Triggers

Probably very often we are triggered by something somebody says, does, how they look at us, the smells, an incident, an interaction, sounds, voice. It could be anything from our past that gets our hackles up and we slide into survival mode; a closed door which looks like no easy exit to flee; someone with alcohol on their breath breathing on us; how someone touches us. Radar and survival goes up, way up. We have cellular memories that connect those painful, horrifying abuses. What comes right along side of that fear is the sense of overwhelm. 

The very thought of having to touch or be around fiberglass insulation really bothers me because of a painful incident when I was 14. I know I could use Prolonged Exposure Therapy to get over it, if I wanted to and if I was in the business of insulation. I am not so I am not.

Triggers can bring up issues around control and are based in fear.  Being fearful can translate into not being able to control the situation and we move into reacting to the stimulus. Some triggers can be annoying, others connect to a deep-seated fear. Dealing with these fears can be overwhelming. It is like we are back being little kids again trying to handle what is for adults. Our brains are not developed to handle adult situations and adult responsibilities.

It takes a lot of practice and mindfulness to move out of that space. We can take time to breathe, assess the situation. We can take a few seconds to figure out if it is truly life and death or is there something else we can do so we can be in charge of ourselves instead of giving our power away through reacting. If we know we are going into a situation that could possibly have some triggers, we can have a plan in place to refer to when we feel a rise in fear. After checking that is a past trigger and not relevant now, we can find a place to hone in on so we can focus on the task or job at hand to get through it. Finding that focal point, paying attention to the questions, can move us out of reacting and give us time to respond as calmly and purposeful as possible.

The other day, I was working on a project and was held up waiting for someone to get back to me with the rest of the information. Finally, I received it and got it ready a short time later. Only, the person who wanted this left for the day without saying anything. I was upset about it as my trigger was not be relevant or respected for my time and effort. After I had time to listen to myself through the replay in my head, I realize that it was not about me, it was that person’s choice. If it did not go that that day, then it wasn’t going to go out. It will be there for another day. This replay will help in future events triggered by this old response as I learn to craft new and better options. I saw that this situation may have made me look bad which streams right into that old shame.

When we can become more aware of those triggers that can take us back to those excruciating memories and nightmares, we can set boundaries about what we can and what we cannot do. We can be in charge as much as we can be to try to stop sliding down that slippery slope to the past pain. When we do get caught up in the trigger, remember to look for where the hook was that dragged us back so we can come up with other workable options. Triggers won’t likely go away altogether; some will remain. It is how we handle them that makes the difference.

Also, if when being around someone and the “creep factor” happens, it is important to honor that feeling even when it is awkward. We can just leave or in a more social place, make an excuse (going to the restroom), and just leave or remove yourself to another part of the room or area. This isn’t about them, this is about you being comfortable and safe.