My friend grew up in a rocky home and had a bumpy first marriage. A few years ago, she was introduced to someone and they hung out, being friends. We talked about relationships and taking chances. It was slow going for her. Then sitting next to each other, doing activities together, then holding hands and moving on from there in a measured way. They have a very loving, supportive and loyal connection. She opened her heart bit by bit. He did, too. This brings much joy and growth to them. They gave each other a chance.
Another friend had not been in a relationship since her husband years ago, spending time raising her son and working. She had an experience in her life, too. She connected with someone, too, slowly. Her heart space opened up and it added an increased lightness of being.
Bee had met someone and remarried. As she is going through her own renaissance of doing what is in her heart and soul, she has someone in her life that is supportive, loving, loyal and kind. Having someone to come home to and ask how was your day? Talk about the highlights and frustrations. To get a hug and smooch. Someone to be on our side, to grow and heal. To have dreams and support toward the future. To share life’s up and downs make a difference.
When we have experienced trauma in our lives, there is a tendency to shut our heart space off. Get involved in so many other activities as a way to distract from loneliness. I would work to be point of being so exhausted. On occasion, that deep loneliness felt like it was eating me up. I kept wishing for someone to love me. Then fear would take over and I would shut down again. I wondered if I had made enough progress in my own healing to be with someone that would not be like the old painful and unfulfilling relationships of my past. When I saw those old signs, I would retreat back into myself. To do this requires much courage to step out of my constrained inner “comfort zone.” We also need to remember that our partners are NOT our therapists. They are our safe harbor, supporter, comforter, loving challenger and loving arms.
I took a chance. My husband took a chance. It is different this time.
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