Feeling Uncentered

It has been a rough few weeks for me. It reminds me of the Polar Vortex we had a couple of winters ago, only this is about a difficult and challenging situation. I am feeling like the pinball, being knocked off center while trying to regain my footing is difficult. I pull away for awhile to find my center, remembering to breathe.

I am blessed with my husband, son and many friends who are supporting me while offering encouragement to look beyond this vortex, to find the meaning of “what’s next?” At a meeting, I prepared myself for the variety of encounters I expected may occur. Once there, I felt outnumbered. My spiritual teacher and I talked. He said he would be with me during this time as well as Deb and Lory. When sitting there at the meeting, I closed my eyes and looked around. I saw wonderful and great support of loving beings around me, hands on my shoulder, whispering encouragement. I did not feel alone.

This reminded me of something Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in her book, “Eat Pray Love” (2006) on page 32-33. She wrote about an ongoing difficult a situation in her life was and said to her friend, “…I wish I could get some divine intervention here. I wish I would write a petition to God, asking for this thing to end.” Her friend asked why not petition help from the universe. As I reread Gilbert’s petition, it reminds me that I am part of the universe and I can also write my own request for divine assistance, asking for clarity and for what’s next with getting back to inner peace.

Even though this situation does not make sense to me now, why is it happening now? Bill and Deb remind me that when doors close, new ones open to better opportunities. Hanging on will keep me handcuffed to history instead of making new history. It is where faith and fear meet at the rickety bridge. Why not trust in my own creativity, skills and abilities to create something new and more fulfilling. What parts do I like and which ones I could leave behind. There is a comfort in staying in a rut, of hanging on to the old. Now that the old is becoming more uncomfortable, it is time to work on that transition into something greater and freeing. Life does that to kick us out of being dormant into growing, flowering and producing more fruit.