Self Belief

Growing up in a family where I was marginalized, hated, despised, unloved, unwanted, hurt and violated, it created a foundation of my belief that I am truly these things and I lived that belief out loud. Because I wore that, other people treated me the way my parents did. It was a way for the abuse to continue beyond the walls of our house.

It has been a long road to make inner changes to address those self-limiting beliefs. Even then, there are people who will still treat me that way. What was an important factor in addressing those faulty views is embracing spirituality.

To compensate for these views, I try to be as generous and helpful as I can to prove I am worthy. This does backfire because after awhile, some people just expect me to continue to do stuff and pay for lunch for them. When I decide to stop doing that, there is that bewildering look from them because I have always done that; I should just continue to do that in perpetuity. I do not keep track of what I do for others until it becomes so grossly lop-sided. When it becomes more about taking and taking, I feel abused again. (I know some will say it is my entire fault for not setting boundaries.) I am working on being a human “being” instead of basing my worth on my human “doing.” We can be blessed by just being and learning to love ourselves through the process, learning that we acceptable to ourselves.