Family and Love

Our pastor gave a sermon on family and love. I was thinking about my family and the absence of BOTH family and love.

Growing up, I had one friend in school and that was in tenth and eleventh grade then I was friendless again. I did not know about love and a loving family and felt like an outsider and did not belong anywhere. I felt unwanted an every turn, barely surviving to high school graduation. I wondered why anyone would want to be friends with me. As I went on to post-grad school, I met Candace, a new friend. As I continued on with my life, I began to have more friends. I felt so awkward around people, it was challenging for me to be open to relationships and to fit in. They became my replacement family. As I evolved in my healing, so did my friends.

I struggled for years of what a family was supposed to be as I saw on television. Loving, caring, father who knew best, the kind where it always turns out well and the family members were accepted and included. That did not fit my own family life and I felt resentment and ripped off in not having that kind of family. It was a very toxic place for me. My expectations of what I carried for what I wanted my family of origin to be created more resentment. They just could not be what I needed and wanted. I realized that all the energy spent wishing and wishing for what could not be, I can be using that to create what works better for ME.

I created my own family, the kind I had wished I had, consisting of friends who became like sisters and brothers to me who are supportive loving, kind, compassionate and also will be honest with me when I need to look at something in my life that is not working. It was an ever-changing “family” who passed through as we moved out with our lives. We met others as we traveled along.

So when our pastor talked about that today about broadening the definition of family to include others, we can include those we do not know or barely know. As communion was going on, I was very moved by the people who came by who touched me on the shoulder or took my hand with such love and support. It was a wonderful reminder I have not only made progress in opening my heart to allow others in, I was acknowledged for doing that. What a blessing!