Airport Security

Whenever I fly anywhere, my anxiety raises the closer I get to airport security. I make sure I minimize any metal on me in case the metal detector is set off. Going through the metal detector sets off a trigger for me of being frisked (groped) in checking for potential dangers. As a caveat, I do understand about placing security first as want to arrive and return safely. When Homeland Security introduced the x-ray machine, I became even more anxious.

A few years ago, my husband and I were leaving for vacation. The closer I got to the security check, the more I felt fear. He tried to be reassuring that it will be okay. My anxiety did not lessen so he said either I go through or he will be leaving without me. I talked with the initial agent asking for a woman TSA agent to talk to. I shared with her my fears relating experience child sexual abuse and she was very kind, taking the time to slowly and patiently help me go through.

Later on, I took a trip to visit my cousin in Baltimore and for the return flight, they were only using the x-ray machine. I started to have a meltdown about going through that. I talked with a woman agent about going through that machine and gratefully, I was offered the opportunity to go through the metal detector instead.

Recently, I went on a trip with my sister to Europe. Their security procedures are tighter over there when returning to the states. I was able to contain my anxiety passing through the metal detectors with each stop until the final leg home. I was presented with only two options: the x-ray machine or the pat-down. There was a yellow tape across the metal detector. I talked to the woman at the check-in desk about my concerns and challenges with my history. Another woman who was a flight attendant came over and calmly talked with me about how we can do this together. My sister had already cleared security and was waiting for me. The two women offered to go through the x-ray machine to show me how safe it was. Of the two options, I chose the pat-down. The first woman held my hand while the other one was conscientious about being very gentle while being thorough, talking about what she was doing with each sweep. After I cleared, I went into the restroom to calm down. My sister was still waiting for me. When I came out, she asked me about it and if I was okay. I told her what my husband said before about leaving me and then she said she was not going to leave me. That was so touching, amazing and caring. I still tear up.

Shortly after, that same flight attendant who held my hand came by to ask me if I was doing better.This certainly was a gift.

We each have triggers for certain situations. Some folks will not have patience and consider that we are making a big deal out of nothing, minimizing our feelings and fears while holding up the line. We can manage our fears and concerns by preparing, deep breathing, asking for help and compassion as we move through security to adventure.

The reason I have difficulty with the x-ray machine is that there were pornographic pictures taken of me when I was young and the x-ray machine is a trigger, regardless if they blur out those parts. How do I know if that is true? I made a conscious choice to pick one that will be the least traumatizing.